1. You can’t get what you don’t ask for.
And honesty is the best policy. If you don’t ask for
something, your partners are not mind readers — you
can’t expect that they’ll know what you want.
Sure, you run the risk of their not being down with the
dirty, but it’s better to have tried and failed than to have
never tried at all. Plus, if they say “yes,” you’re in the
clear for next time, too.
2. Don’t expect to get action down below without
being willing to take the plunge, too.
Sex is about give and take. If you’re going to get it, be
willing to give it. Now, if one of you just feels like doing it
and just goes for the main event right after, that’s fine
as well.
We all have our preferences and like to change it up. I
just mean, don’t let him or her give you what you’re not
willing to give yourself.
3. In most cultures, spitting is kind of rude.
A tap on the shoulder is a kind gesture.
4. If your partner is doing something you’re not
down for, say something.
If you don’t tell your partner you’re not okay with
whatever position you’re in, or you’re not feeling
comfortable with where hands are straying, let it be
known.
5. Never push a girl’s head down if you don’t
want teeth.
We’ll do it if we want to do it. And if you want it that
badly, ask. That way we can say “yes,” or “no,” without
feeling pressured or uncomfortable should we choose to
ignore your unwanted advances.
6. Don’t stare.
Please, never be that person who stares for an
uncomfortably long time into your partner’s eyes mid-
coitus. You don’t look sexy, you look constipated.
It feels really awkward. Sure, a passionate kiss is
perfectly acceptable, but stick to a five-second rule
when it comes to eye contact.
7. This isn’t the library; make some noise.
Nothing is creepier than having sex with a person who’s
mute during the act. Well, besides maybe the
aforementioned person who stares for inappropriate
amounts of time.
If you like something, let your partner know with a little
“oh,” “ah” action. Plus, if you give vocal affirmation,
you’re much more likely to get more of the good stuff.
8. Never try for the backdoor without a
discussion beforehand.
This is not a “let’s go for it!” kind of sexual exercise.
This little game takes time, preparation and trust. Don’t
just come knocking on a lady’s backdoor without (and I
cannot stress this enough) EXPLICIT permission.
9. Assume you will use a condom.
This means always coming prepared. Don’t think you’re
going skin-to-skin — especially if this is a girl you just
met in a bar. You should care as much about her health
as you do your own. Don’t play stupid.
And not to mention, if you didn’t ask if she’s on the pill,
don’t assume she is.
10. A shower is not an invitation.
Shower sex is f*cking terrible. If your partner hops in the
shower, don’t you dare think that warrants an invitation.
If we ladies would like you to join us (though Lord only
knows why in hell any of us would), we’ll be sure to let
you know.
11. Don’t assume you’re spending the night.
Ladies and gentlemen, just because sexual relations
took place does not mean there is an implied sleepover.
This especially goes for a one-night stand. Be prepared
to take a hint and get a cab home.
Dudes, call the girl a cab if you don’t want her to stay.
She let you see her naked, it’s the least you can do.
12. If you decide to run the red light, don’t stop
in the intersection.
If you’re going to say you’re fine with some strawberry
and cream, don’t back out last minute acting all grossed
out. It’s a natural thing that happens to our womanly
bodies, despite how unfortunate that may be.
Just remember, towel down before you get down.
13. No pregnancy jokes.
But it is important that the two of you know where you
stand should the situation arise.
Have a plan set up that the two of you are comfortable
with. And I think this goes without saying, but don’t talk
about this “plan” while naked.
14. Morning after pill.
Dudes, you pay for it, and you take her to get it. Be a
gentleman. Or at least offer to pay. If she wants to split,
it’s negotiable.
15. No Tindering after pulling out.
Your dating apps can wait until you’re alone. If they
can’t, I would suggest seeing a specialist because you
clearly have an addiction. And while you’re at it, you
might want to get tested for STDs.
16. You can always help clean up.
Get the lady a towel.
17. If you can’t remember your partner’s name,
just don’t say anything.
Don’t pretend… just keep your mouth shut. Chances are,
your partner probably doesn’t remember either.
18. Foreplay is not “optional.”
Your head may get away from you, but remember, if
you’d like to go for rounds two and three, you need to
slow the f*ck down and prepare.
19. If you spent the night, offer breakfast.
If you’ve stayed the night at someone’s place, always
offer to buy or make breakfast. It’s quid pro quo , bro.
20. Keep it out of the lady’s hair.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times: Do not
shoot your swimmers into our hair. We probably spent a
lot of time making it look pretty, hence the current naked
situation we’re currently in. Aim, buster, aim.
21. No getting grossed out by morning breath if
you initiate morning sex.
If you didn’t brush your teeth, you’re asking for morning
breath, so just ignore it and go forth. You’re both equally
gross right now, so it shouldn’t be much of an issue.
22. If you’re interested, ask for a number.
This goes for both guys and girls. Ladies, if you like this
dude, it’s perfectly fine to ask for his number. And
dudes, don’t just leave us hanging if you want to see us
again. You won’t get another chance if you have no way
to contact us.
So, ask for a number and maybe we can naked wrestle
again sometime in the near future. CLICK HERE TO READ FULL AND TOUCHING NIGERIAN CELEBRITIES BIOGRAPHY AND SCANDALS
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